Thank You and Goodbye, Kim Jonghyun

Today is a Winter's day. It is cold outside and inside. 

As of December 17th, Kim Jonghyun passed away. He was a star as brilliant as the blazing sun. A gem with a heart of good and a soul filled with kindness. He was such a young, lovely soul. While everyone moves forward, he will remain at 28 years old. But despite this, his voice will continue to reach millions and millions of people all over the world. It is a strange feeling to see another star depart for the skies. 

I have been surrounded by death this year. As I grow up, it happening more often. I'm learning to cope, learning to love, learning what it means to live. Goodbyes are always easier when you get to see the person again. In the case of celebrities who chose to depart the world alone, it is those of an artist who affect me the greatest. Maybe because I feel helpless. For all that an artist has given to their listeners, there is only so much, we as the audience, can give back. For all the times a song has helped us during a difficult time, for all the times their lyrics have touched our hearts, for all the times their melodies has reached out to us. We are so lucky to receive such warmth and energy. We are so lucky to listen to your creations and expressions. But how sorry I am. Not being able to give anything in return. What can I possibly offer that would be equal to all the things I've received? 

I heard the news today, while at work. I wasn't able to fully process this until I clocked out, rode the bus, and had a room all to myself. When I read about all the things he's done, all the pain he's gone through, it was the last straw. It's good to let it out. I say this as there is a mountain of tissues building up next to me. 

In fleeting moments, I feel like a fraud. I am just a casual listener. But I have been there, there were days where all I could do was grab on to a single melody, a single lyric. The pain is present. When people ask me why I am crying over someone I never knew? I want to show them the people grieving. I want to tell them about all the lovely things this person has done, all the lives he has saved, all the smiles he put on people's faces. They just don't understand how it hurts to feel so alone in this crowded world and how it hurts when there is nothing you can do.

One of the best things an artist can hear, is how you enjoy their music. Oh, Jonghyun, there are so many things I want to say to you. But even if I do, the words will not reach you. If anything, I pray that somehow, someway these words to reach you and those you love: Thank you. 

Today is a Winter's day. Wherever you are, I'll believe your Spring has come.